Writer: Samantha S
I didn’t know where I was. The bus stop had led me to the edge of the earth, or what felt something like it. It was frozen, maybe -25, but this frigid air didn’t take away from how beautiful the world looked from the horizons border. Winters breath carefully frosted over the boardwalk and the many rocks outlining the waters perimeter. Lights followed the timbered pathway, mimicking low hanging stars that forgot to shine.
The past couple years of my life have taken me down some interesting avenues all due to my pursuit of freedom. What I’m about to unleash on you may not be conclusive for everyone, but this is based on my experience. This is what freedom means to me.
Writer: Samantha S.
But, fear cannot be divided – there is only one kind that genuinely exists, and it dare not move away from its own patterns of thinking. Until we free ourselves from FEAR itself, we will continue to live in the darkness. Not just in love but in all aspects of life. Where there is any cause of fear – there is an ending. And as long as we run from it, we increase it.
Initially, I was going to write about the following:
What I want for you
Where to go from here
Why I was so upset with you
But I felt I would take a different approach.
Writer: Samantha S.
Last night in the quiet hour of 12 am I began thinking about the last few months with you. I was caught, frozen in one specific instance that I couldn’t seem to shake. You see it was eight long years we waited. Time stretched so far it began to grow with us. As if we both were trees in a forest, growing roots and extending them through the hard clay soil. Our roots continued growing on opposite sides of this forest floor, hoping one day to meet ends and become entangled in each other finally. For years we would stand still, rooted in the ground, allowing the seasons to take over us. We began in spring, as we grew emerald leaves that developed into a thick, rich canopy. Our roots began to grow closer, summertime came around, and the small delicate leaves morphed into solid angle pointed pieces. When the wind blew, the leaves started to shake back and forth, and we would wave at each other. Sometimes, the sun would shine so brightly that when each little hand waved at me, I could see the life within. After a while, our colors began to brighten as we shivered together at the first breath of fall. Each day we would dress up for each other. You in ruby red and shades of brilliant yellow – and me, glowing oranges and pale pinks.
Writer: Samantha S.
When you would lay in the halls with Nadia. When we tried to sneak you into shave for cancer. When you put your skateboard away in your locker. Math class… When I was sick, Melissa called me, and you were near the payphone, but we were both too shy to speak to one another. When you were going to fight someone – and the times I’d hear about it from others. Seeing you at the smokers pit – any excuse to hang out with you.
She pushed me onto the bed and took a deep drag of her smoke as we locked eyes. 1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi, 3 Mississippi. She didn’t blink, nor did I…
Me: “A stare off, huh? Ok, it’s on like donkey kong bitch! You’re not winning this time.
Navita: “You want to bet?”
Me: “Let’s go.”
I silently stared into her bright drunk eyes as she leaned in and slowly started to unbuckle my belt with a smug look on her face.
Me: “V! Can you throw that cigarette out before it burns a hole in my bed!” *BLINK* *BLINK*
(Regaining composure and hoping that she’s too drunk to have caught my mistake)
I lay there shirtless and drunk. The only source of light in my room was coming from the full moon outside of my window. It illuminated my shadow. While I stared at the letter sitting on my night table, I could sense an uneasiness in my demeanor. As I started to close my eyes, Navita came stomping up the stairs and down the hall to my bedroom.
The truth is:
This journey hasn’t been easy.
Heavy emotions are on the horizon.
I recognize that these emotions are only temporary.
Everything is temporary.
You’ve been on my mind.
I’ve realized that I hate you.
And I hate that I hate you.