I hate to hate you:1 of 3 (An excerpt from Ian Joseph’s White Book) 我讨厌去恨你1/3 (伊恩·约瑟夫的白皮书节选)

Samantha, The truth is: This journey hasn’t been easy. Heavy emotions are on the horizon. I recognize that these emotions are only temporary. Everything is temporary. However: You’ve been on my mind. I’ve realized that I hate you. And I hate that I hate you. The letter that you left me haunts me in my sleep. I knew it would… I left it sitting on my night table unopened for a month after I last saw you. Many late nights when I stumbled into my house drunk, I would consider opening it. Every morning I woke up and leaned over my bed to discover it unopened. Logic insisted that I burn it and dispose of it. The letter that you left behind taunted me and made weak attempts at manipulating me into opening it. But I couldn’t open it. At the same time, I couldn’t dispose of it.
萨曼莎, 其实, 这次旅行并不是儿戏 沉重的情绪正在吞噬我 即使我知道这些情绪都是暂时的 一切都会过去的 然而, 你早已闯进了我的心里 我突然觉得我好恨你 可我却又讨厌去恨你。 我突然一无所有,除了你留下的那封信… 自从我们最后一次见面的一个多月以来,我一直把它放在床头柜里,无数个深夜,我醉醺醺的回到家里,脑子里都有个强烈的声音怂恿我打开这封信,每次醒来却都发现它静静地躺在那里,于是我毅然烧掉了它,看,我多厉害。我不能忍受它一直无声的躺在那里,却又好像在念念有词的诅咒着,说它一切都已经看透,可既然承诺了就不该放手。 骗你的,我根本没有烧掉它。

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