I hate to hate you:1 of 3 – 我讨厌去恨你1/3

Samantha,

The truth is:
This journey hasn’t been easy.
Heavy emotions are on the horizon.
I recognize that these emotions are only temporary.
Everything is temporary.

However:
You’ve been on my mind.
I’ve realized that I hate you.
And I hate that I hate you.

萨曼莎,

事实是:
这次旅行并不轻松
沉重的情绪正在吞噬我
即使我知道这些情绪都是暂时的
一切转瞬即逝
然而,
你早已闯进了我的心里,并在里面安营扎寨
我突然觉得我好恨你
可我却又讨厌去恨你。

The letter that you left me haunts me in my sleep. I knew it would…
I went it sitting on my night table unopened for a month after I last saw you. Many late nights when I stumbled into my house drunk, I would consider opening it. Every morning I woke up and leaned over my bed to discover it unopened. Logic insisted that I burn it and dispose of it.
The letter that you left behind taunted me and made weak attempts at manipulating me into opening it.

But I couldn’t open it. At the same time, I couldn’t dispose of it.

我突然一无所有,除了你留下的那封信…
自从我们最后一次见面的一个多月里,我一直把它放在床头柜里,无数个深夜,我醉醺醺的回到家里,脑子里有个强烈的声音要我打开这封信,每次醒来却都发现它静静地躺在那里,于是我毅然烧掉了它,看,我多厉害。我不能忍受它一直无声的躺在那里,却又好像在念念有词的下着诅咒,说它一切都已经看透,可既然承诺了就不该放手。
骗你的,我根本没有烧掉它。